Tips on Productivity from The Princess Bride

This guest post was written by Wess Stewart from thesugarbuzzproject.info

When I was your age, television was called books.
So far, I have not seen many television programs dedicated to productivity (without somehow involving outdoor sports). If you are having trouble getting organized or streamlining your production and your hair is at risk of being pulled out, you might want to pick up a book (or RSS feed) that offer some tips on being productive. Television will not help you.

You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It’s going to get you into trouble someday.
Use criticism to your advantage, don’t get irate and begin firing off an angry email. It detracts from your focus on the goal of your project. If someone gives you or your work a bad review, don’t let it get to you. There’s no need to get stressed out. If you can, just fix the problems (time permitting). If that is not possible, just take the criticism, learn from it, and try not to duplicate the same results the next time.

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die.
If you have a small goal that is within your grasp, go after it. When you can achieve something in a negligible amount of time (small enough not to detract from more important tasks, but large enough to cause you to lose focus), just do it. If that stack of papers on the corner of your desk needs to be filed in the cabinet across the room, just get up and do it. It will help you clear your workspace and give you that ‘I just accomplished a task…yay me’ feeling.

The eel doesn’t get her. I’m explaining to to because you look nervous.
If you and your coworkers are panicking, you will lose focus on the task at hand. Offer some words of encouragement. Happy employees/coworkers make the work easier to stomach. More can be accomplished if you can work together and remain calm.

You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
Cutting corners is not always a good thing. Productivity and delivering a product are not the same thing. Quality work is important, so take the time to do things the right way. For example, if you are a manufacturer, and you put out a poorly engineered product in order to be ahead of the competition, your productivity suffers when you have to deal with all the returns and refunds involved with producing a rushed product.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Be clear with your instructions and comments. There’s no need to show off…just say what you mean in a simple, direct manner. Big words aren’t always the best way to communicate.

Look, I don’t mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.
Turn off the television, forward your calls, ignore your email, and don’t surf the net unless it is somehow going to immediately benefit you by helping you gather information needed for the task at hand. And stop with the text messaging while driving…someone will end up dead.

I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you. So, let’s just start with what we have.
Don’t get carried away with completing a task quickly. Take it slow and steady, and in the end you will be less stressed, and more productive.

Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.
Prioritize task based on importance, and don’t let unrelated tasks get in the way of taking care of business. Work first, play later.

But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me…Not remotely.Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you…Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?…Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me…You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me…IT HAS WORKED! YOU’VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!…I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Keep it simple, stupid.

I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There’s not a lot of money in revenge.
If you can’t reach your goals on the path you are running down, change gears. There’s no use trying to make progress if your methods are flawed.

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